September 1, 2009

• 15 Weeks of Love! (Sounds like a reality TV show.)

  So today I'm 15 weeks. Today I'm also feeling more nauseated than I have in a long time. I'm writing this post while my professor goes over the syllabus for the semester. It's SO HOT in here and I'm just drowning in the nausea. But enough about that.

  I've heard that during the second trimester, many pregnant women experience an intense lovey-dovey feeling towards that person that got them pregnant in the first place. The man in the equation, if you will. I'll spare you the "baby-daddy" line. I hate that word, connotation, or whatever it is. Bleh. But I am TOTALLY feeling that. I feel all ooey-gooey about Jeremy just all the time now. I'm constantly thinking about him and missing him. I want to be physically touching him or near all the time. I just feel so in love. It's like it's five years ago and we're on stage again. I want him to touch my belly often, and rub my back. I crave intimacy in its purest form. I can't get enough.

  He told me that for his first day of class he had to introduce himself and tell an interesting story from his life. And guess what? He told them about ME! He told his class how we had met in high school, been in a play with lots of kissing, and we're now pregnant with our first baby! I could have just melted into floor when he told me. To choose OUR story as an interesting tidbit from his very interesting life. I still get giddy thinking about it. I'm so glad to be married to my very best friend and absolute favorite person in the entire world. OH MY GOSH NOW I'M GOING TO CRY IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS.

  Moving on! How about I tell you about this terrible dream I had last night? IT WAS AWFUL. I've heard of pregnancy dreams being vivid, but mine are usually just terrible. Sad, scary, stressful, devastating, etc. I dreamed that Jeremy and my Dad decided to start an online pornographic empire. It was really successful, they were making lots of money, and I was devastated, naturally. Me and my Mom said that we were going to leave them and they DIDN'T CARE. I woke up crying from that one, but now it's quite humorous because it is so ridiculous.

  15 weeks is kind of a disquieting time. It's not far enough along to feel the baby move regularly, or to have a really noticeable belly (at least not for the first pregnancy) but it's far enough that I feel like I should. I mean, I'm more than 1/3 of the way through this thing. I feel like I should feel that baby moving around in there, and feel like I should have a protruding baby belly instead of just having to wear my fat jeans all the time. And of course that makes me worry that the baby has stopped growing, or I'm going to have a really late miscarriage, or I'm having a dwarf baby (which certainly wouldn't be as big of a deal.) Who knows what it could be, most likely everything is totally fine, but my mind just can't help but think of the worse case scenario. I will be so glad to feel the baby move regularly, even if that means I'm huge and uncomfortable all the time.

  Well, class is over. I'm gonna try to get to the car without any puke breaks. Wish me luck! I'm feeling a little better now, so I think I'll be alright. Writing always gets my mind off my troubles.

  • 6:10 pm
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