December 30, 2009

• 31 Weeks!

  Man the time is flying by.

  I'm not ready to officially launch my website yet but I feel guilty not posting in so long, so here I am. I think I've got another xanga post in me! I'm hoping that my posts on my website will have a slightly different feel, and that's a lot of pressure. But xanga never judges me.

  December 13th marked six years since I started this blog. Dang. Six years is a long time. When I started this blog, I was finishing up my SATs and ACTs and halfway through my senior year of high school. I hadn't truly MET Jeremy yet, and I didn't even know about the play. And look at my life now! At that moment, I NEVER would have imagined it. My life completely changed course just three months after I started this blog. I love having all of it somewhat chronicled here.

  Anyways, a quick pregnancy update. I still can't believe I'm pregnant. It surprises me and still feels like something only people older than me should be doing. But I'm almost 24 and been married more than 3 1/2 years so it's a perfectly acceptable state to be in. I just feel like I'm sneaking into an exclusive club, underage and inexperienced, instead of being a real member.

  Pregnancy really is not fun most of the time, but every time I feel all those increasingly stronger kicks and wiggles it is all worth it. And she is constantly moving. Even when I was sleeping the other night, snuggled up behind Jeremy, he said he could feel her kicking him in the back.

  Doesn't that just MELT YOUR SOUL?!

  It's the most precious, adorable thing I can even attempt to fathom. It's like she was saying, "Hey Dad! Mom is sleeping and I'm bored. Talk to me!" She is just lovely.

  So I love that part. Pretty much everything else about pregnancy sucks, but feeling that little being move around inside you is just so spectacular that I already feel bad for my future non-pregnant self and can't wait to be pregnant again. And this is coming from someone with almost constant heartburn, enormous abdominal and back discomfort and pain, a general loss of independence, and terrible bladder control.

  I do get to enjoy that positive aspect a lot these days though. I think she must move around in her sleep some too. It just seems like she's always wriggling and rolling. I'm not sure if she's head down though. I hope she is, or will be eventually, but if I had to guess, I'd say she's still transverse. (Laying side to side.) It's fine for now, but I'm getting nervous about her staying that way and forcing a C-section. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it.

  My mindset is changing these days. The first trimester I was solely focused on not puking, relaxing, and not miscarrying--which basically equalled stressing, worrying, and freaking out about miscarrying even more. When I finally got to a point where I felt "safe," I focused on choosing all the big important baby items. I wanted to get out and try/buy them all while I was still able to get out. Now I'm finally starting to seriously think about labor and delivery. It's scaring me a little now. It's hard not to worry about all the complications that can arise, not to mention that some women and babies still DIE during childbirth. Bleh. Plus I'm still debating with myself over epidurals and other pain medications. Right now I'm still leaning towards not having them, and I don't want an IV either. I don't want to feel tied down at all. But it's hard to make any of these judgment calls without ever having experienced labor before. I'm wondering what will best help me have a normal, vaginal delivery. In my rare case, being a woman with a spinal cord injury giving birth, there are really NO resources to help me make my decision. The doctors have determined that I will feel pretty much everything too. So much for the last 11 years of living life in a wheelchair. I don't even get the benefit of not feeling labor pain! Haha, geez.

  I'm trying to plan for having a newborn in the house as well. I'm starting to try and organize things, throw out stuff, and generally deep clean everything. It's a lot of work. Especially when it's getting more and more impossible to bend over and pick things up off the floor or out of cabinets or from the dryer or anywhere not right in front of me. I've been reading up on sleeping schedule techniques, feeding patterns, breastfeeding tips, etc. (I sure hope I'm able to breastfeed despite my reduction from last summer, but if I can't, I'm not gonna feel like a failure. I hope.) I did a lot of research today on SIDS as well as the best ways to lower your baby's risk for it. That SIDS is scary stuff, so mysterious.

  I've poured over various lists of newborn necessities, and I'm trying to compile a list of my own of all the things we need. Thanks to my amazing baby shower, we mostly only need small things. A nursing pillow, some more full body outfits, something to swaddle with, a Bumbo, an infant carrier/Baby Bjorn so Jeremy can be that awesome dad that carries his little girl around on his chest, one of those warm blanket car seat cover things, etc.

  We still haven't decided on a name. We are still liking Ariel and Olivia, but a few months back I had a dream about the baby. We were visiting with my family and everybody was calling her "Baby Abby/Abi/Abbie." I told Jeremy the next day, just for fun. And he's like, "I really like that name!" And he seems to like it more and more. I wasn't onboard at all at first, but the more he talks about it, the more I like it too. I think he makes me like it because I love that he's been so involved in this whole thing. Many fathers aren't, and so it makes me happy for him to love a name. I can't help but like it. Finally, just last week, I looked up the meaning of Abigail, and it pretty much means, "My father's joy." So you know Jeremy just LOVED that. I still think Ariel is my favorite though. Just because it's so much more unique. But we'll see. We still aren't making any final decisions until she's born, and we still love Olivia as well, but it's just so popular these days. I really have NO idea what her name will be. Not a clue. It could be any of those three or something totally different and random that we think of later. It will be a surprise for us as much as everyone else. But I like it that way. Since the gender is rarely a surprise these days, I like to save the name for last.

  Last week or so we were having the name discussion and not coming up with any real leads when Jeremy yelled into my belly, "Hey baby! What do you want to be called?!" She did not answer. I suppose we should only ask her yes or no questions so that she can kick for yes and stay still for no. I'll mention that next time Jeremy is interrogating her.

  We start our childbirth classes at the hospital next week I think. Hoping to learn some helpful stuff! And hoping it will help me make my decision about all the various labor and delivery options. What choices did you mommies reading this make? What would you do differently?

  • 1:35 am
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